It is finals week. I’ve got bucket loads to study, given that I had missed quite a number of lessons in the second half of the semester due to performances and stuff. And somehow, this also seems to be the perfect time to be pondering about the depths and mysteries of life.

Being an introvert, in the broad nature of the term, it is quite normal for me to be rather closed up and observant. And I tend to observe people a lot. And by a lot meaning a lot. So much to the point that when someone says something, I know exactly what their response would be to my reply, and I avoid replying as their response is greatly predictable and completely pointless.

And for that particular reason I shut up, a lot. In situations when I ought to speak up, I shut down. In situations when attacks have been made at my ego, I can easily shoot another’s ego but I shut up. I can completely destroy a relationship with a single response so I shut up. Not because I value their friendship or association, most relationships are replaceable. But cause they have the layer of stupidity called ego. And trying to penetrate that is a massive waste of energy.

Most people value their identity greatly. It gives them some meaning. Some pseudo purpose of being a speck in the vast universe. Some seeming individuality to their worthless existence. That is where ego arises from. That is where pride and all those meaningless forms of self-entitlement comes from.

But what is identity? Do we really have an identity? Are we really unique as individuals? Maybe, in little genetic differences that have been encoded into us. And probably societal upbringing, who your parents were and what your experiences have been. And that is about it. That really is as far as your true individuality gets you. And the rest of it is just your ego, your massive fucking ego which is truly gonna define who you turn out to be.

It may seem like I am speaking out of anger, because I am. I am truly frustrated with the limitations the large majority of the human race has imposed on themselves due to their ego. Unnecessary arguments, debates, wars and ridiculous effort into disagreement just because of ego. Just that fucking ego leading to every other problem that humanity is facing and will face.

Imagine if every just put their ego in a box and shredded the fucking thing into pieces. The amount of progress mankind can make. If we reason out everything logically, made decisions based on the greater benefit than our own personal ideals.

However, we don’t live in that ideal world. Not for a long time, and maybe never. We live in a world full of egotistic individuals whom are proud of all the wrong that they are doing. Individuals whom get a kick out of stealing others’ egos. Friendships built upon feeding one another’s egos. Companies which profit on those with a smaller ego. It is an ego-driven world, the bigger egos eat the smaller ones. The bigger egos call the shots, have the influence to dominate over the smaller egos. Money doesn’t make the world go round as much as ego does. Money merely fuels that ego. And every asshole on this planet is filled to the brim with ego, making them the most worthless yet influential people.

So is it possible to thrive in this ego-driven world without an ego? Is it possible to be positive amongst all the negative? Is it sensible to reach for the peak without cutting corners? Is the struggle to be good worth it?

I guess only time will tell, while I continue the struggle.

Keep glitching (: