Semester ended somewhat on a decent note. I took the weekend off to watch Star Wars, The Force Awakens (which can be discussed on another post), and I started working full-time from the following Monday.

There was no time for a break, no time for a well-deserved holiday. Not one anytime soon. At least not till I’m good enough.

It might sound a little crazy, but I love working. I work at this small fintech startup in Singapore (which I do not want to mention the name of in case it shows up on Google searches). And the reason I like working here is because it constantly drives into me the fact that I am not good enough.

Why? Because of the sheer number of intelligent, smart and driven individuals in that one giant room. These are not your merely book smart people, these are your Harvard grads whom left big paychecks to live their purpose. These are the guys whom question conventionality and take on a fresh perspective. These are the guys who can talk to you all day about Existentialism and Objectivism (radical philosophical theories you should check out), but choose to focus on the task at hand instead. These are the guys whom can probably run the entire company singlehandedly if they could clone themselves, but demonstrate amazing leadership in enabling others to be part of the process. I’ll stop with the praises, but you get the idea.

Being in the same physical space as such individuals makes you really question your worth and existence. How good are you? Will you ever be good enough?

How good is good enough?

Before we can answer that question, we need to think about what does it even mean to be “good enough”. Is it a state that everyone can attain, or is it merely a psychological escape that everyone envisions. How can one ever feel like he is good enough if it is not even an attainable state?

But there are people whom consider themselves to be “good enough”. Whom don’t constantly doubt themselves. Whom are completely comfortable with their current state of existence. So it must be an attainable state, at least to some degree.

Now that it’s established that being “good enough” is a state, we need to look into what constitutes being in this state. We know for sure that some of those whom believe so, actually a large majority, are actually just foolish individuals whom have quite successfully tricked themselves of being satisfied with their current state of existence.

A best employee of the month at McDonald’s certainly has some pride to his accomplishment, although it might not be much in the eyes of the society. He truly does believe that he has proven his worth and achieved something. Most large companies have various levels of hierarchy for this very reason. For individuals to trick themselves into believing that they have gotten “a promotion” or “a bonus” because they have demonstrated their worth and which they now know to be “good enough”.

These awards and promotions are usually sufficient in making the large majority believe in their self-worth, and to truly believe that they are “good enough” as long as they continue doing what they have been doing all the while. Society successfully suppresses them of their true potential, making them stagnate for the rest of their lives.

However the ones who are truly “good enough” are the ones whom know that they can never be good enough. They are the ones whom are comfortable with inadequacy, but at the same time are driven to grow. They are the ones whom know exactly how good they are, and know what needs to be done to get better. The ones whom obsessively chase improvement, not to achieve anything or get any promotion, but to merely become a better individual.

Being “good enough” then, comes with balance. The balance of being good enough to have the confidence to push out ideas and changes in the world, but bad enough to know that there is still room for growth and improvement. Success can happen overnight with some luck, but maintaining it takes the mindset of knowing that perfection is something to constantly strive for. That’s how you keep giving hits one after another. Consistency is key.

With that motivation quote from DJ Khaled, I hope that one day I can attain the state of being “good enough”. Not good, not bad, but a balanced state where I can maximise growth and change.

So keep growing, keep glitching! (:

 

 

 

It is finals week. I’ve got bucket loads to study, given that I had missed quite a number of lessons in the second half of the semester due to performances and stuff. And somehow, this also seems to be the perfect time to be pondering about the depths and mysteries of life.

Being an introvert, in the broad nature of the term, it is quite normal for me to be rather closed up and observant. And I tend to observe people a lot. And by a lot meaning a lot. So much to the point that when someone says something, I know exactly what their response would be to my reply, and I avoid replying as their response is greatly predictable and completely pointless.

And for that particular reason I shut up, a lot. In situations when I ought to speak up, I shut down. In situations when attacks have been made at my ego, I can easily shoot another’s ego but I shut up. I can completely destroy a relationship with a single response so I shut up. Not because I value their friendship or association, most relationships are replaceable. But cause they have the layer of stupidity called ego. And trying to penetrate that is a massive waste of energy.

Most people value their identity greatly. It gives them some meaning. Some pseudo purpose of being a speck in the vast universe. Some seeming individuality to their worthless existence. That is where ego arises from. That is where pride and all those meaningless forms of self-entitlement comes from.

But what is identity? Do we really have an identity? Are we really unique as individuals? Maybe, in little genetic differences that have been encoded into us. And probably societal upbringing, who your parents were and what your experiences have been. And that is about it. That really is as far as your true individuality gets you. And the rest of it is just your ego, your massive fucking ego which is truly gonna define who you turn out to be.

It may seem like I am speaking out of anger, because I am. I am truly frustrated with the limitations the large majority of the human race has imposed on themselves due to their ego. Unnecessary arguments, debates, wars and ridiculous effort into disagreement just because of ego. Just that fucking ego leading to every other problem that humanity is facing and will face.

Imagine if every just put their ego in a box and shredded the fucking thing into pieces. The amount of progress mankind can make. If we reason out everything logically, made decisions based on the greater benefit than our own personal ideals.

However, we don’t live in that ideal world. Not for a long time, and maybe never. We live in a world full of egotistic individuals whom are proud of all the wrong that they are doing. Individuals whom get a kick out of stealing others’ egos. Friendships built upon feeding one another’s egos. Companies which profit on those with a smaller ego. It is an ego-driven world, the bigger egos eat the smaller ones. The bigger egos call the shots, have the influence to dominate over the smaller egos. Money doesn’t make the world go round as much as ego does. Money merely fuels that ego. And every asshole on this planet is filled to the brim with ego, making them the most worthless yet influential people.

So is it possible to thrive in this ego-driven world without an ego? Is it possible to be positive amongst all the negative? Is it sensible to reach for the peak without cutting corners? Is the struggle to be good worth it?

I guess only time will tell, while I continue the struggle.

Keep glitching (: